Last night I had a dream about zombies attacking a place where I lived. The place was almost exactly like the level from Modern Warfare 2 named “The Rundown.” (if you’ve ever played CoD).

It had shanty housing and all sorts of buildings that were….well….run down. The dream was dark and awesome, and it was pouring.

I was kind of like the person in charge of the town, like a general directing troops or a captain of a ship. The town was mine, and I ran it, because everyone else was far too incompetent. I remember giving orders telling people what to do so that they didn’t get raped by a zombie, and I remember wearing a specific hat that was kind of like a general’s hat. As I also recall, members of the Wu Tang Clan were in my dream and I had to give them details, but they didn’t listen to me and U-God died in a sewer. Why was he in a sewer? Well, against my orders, he and some random girl (who was a whore) were trying to escape from the shanty town we were in, which was encased in walls so that the zombies could be contained from the rest of the world. However, I’m the only one who knew the sewers, and though I tried to help him by getting down in the sewers, he still didn’t listen to me and fell down into a inescapable bit of shit (figuratively speaking).

Then, I was randomly swimming underwater with some girl I know, and we were just chatting away while breathing perfectly fine. I remember thinking, “I wish I could actually do this,” so clearly I knew I was dreaming. However, the setting was the same. We were still in that piece of shit village, it’s just that we were taking a break by swimming like dolphins. God I wish I could breath underwater.

But the zombie story never reached a conclusion, which really makes me think, WTF!?

I pronounced this blog dead not to long ago. I could have, and probably should have, just deleted it’s miserable existence from the face of the internet, but being the pack-rat that I am, I decided to keep it around for no other reason other than the fact that I didn’t want posts that I worked on, no matter how shitty they were, to be deleted from existence forever.

And so, I then got the idea to change it.

For a long time, I have had some of the most bad ass awesome mother fucking dreams a person could ever have. You see, I am quite the avid dreamer. I go to bed expecting awesomeness, and I wake up feeling satisfied. Most people’s dreams are random to say the least. But mine all have a plot. They all follow a script, even if I don’t know where the script is going. My dreams are like movies. Awesome, crazy movies. I love movies, therefore, I love dreams.

But what the fuck? I can’t record these dreams, so how can I be sure to remember the awesomeness of them? By recording them in script, that’s how! Therefore, I decided to officially convert my shitty blog formally known as “Frankly Stupid”, into a blog that chronicles some of the best dreams man has ever dreamt.

This idea might sound really lame to you, but clearly you don’t understand the bad assness of a dream. Most of my dreams involve fighting, blood, sex, and action. Some may involve romance, but that’s just something a pimp like my dream-self has to deal with from time to time.

If you’re a girl, and I ask to date you, and you say, “in your dreams.” Then I will. And I won’t stop there either. Know that later that night, I will be railing the shit out of you in my dreams. Realize this, and understand that we had a fantastic time together, but you missed it. How does it feel knowing that I not only pleasured you multiple times, but I also saw the most candid parts of you’re body. I have had sex with you. Can you ever look at me the same way? Maybe now you really want to know…..what if?

Too bad bitch sex with your dream self is probably better than sex with your real life self. Back off, I don’t need you.

The good thing about my dreams, besides the gratuitous violence, sex, and concepts of fantasy, is the fact that all of my dream worlds stay constant even if dreams are months apart. For example, whenever I have a dream where I’m skiing, it’s always at the same mountain with the same trails, all of which I created myself.

Yeah, that’s right, I can create the settings in my dream in the same way that they can create a dream in Inception. Maybe not to that detail, but it’s pretty awesome either way.

Now, one may think, “Holy shit! How does such a fantastic dreamer such as glothelegend create dreams as awesome as he does!?”

To answer, I attribute all of my fantastic dream weaving skills to anime. Lots and lots of anime. You see anime is like dream experience points. The more I watch, the more experience points my dream skills acquire. It’s kind of like one of those types of games. You know, an RPG or whatever. I don’t really play a lot of games to be honest. Call of Duty, DDR, and Samurai Warriors sometimes, along with the classic N64 games. But not that often. If my dream was a Squirtle, then every anime I watch is a weak Pigey that I mow down with my Water Gun technique. Right now I’d say I’m a Wartortle on the verge of evolution.

To put it bluntly, I dream better than you.

PS: This blog will no longer be a blog, as I declare it to be an ISSS. I’m going to kind of follow my template from Eye Sedso, and there might be some anime involved, but probably not.

PPS: I deleted most of the really vulgar/stupid posts that were leftover from Frankly Stupid. I kept some of the funnier ones, children’s stories, because I actually liked them. Keep in mind that a lot of the stuff is satire. For example, I have the utmost respect for women (but they really don’t know how to drive).

In other news, I hope you had fun looking at most likely the gayest poses ever made.

Hooray women!

Game. Set. Match. The world is destroyed. Fuck you Jessica Biel and your delicious body. I’ve never busted for such a long time. Needed to hire a cleaning crew to come in and re-do my room. My right hand had to be replaced, as I blew it off from the burst.

But, another day, another success. I’m going to punch myself in the balls and go to bed.

The world escapes destruction after 18 days!

But seriously, at this point I’m just waiting. Waiting for that night where I wake up and find a steaming load of seed in my pants, and on my sheets, and probably on my floor and walls and ceiling. It won’t be pretty (unless you’re a huge whore)  and there’s gonna be a lot of it. I should start covering all of my stuff with plastic…..

The world escapes destruction after 19 days!

• It was raining.
• I was alone in my house.
• No one was home.
• I was bored.
• I had already watched about 2 hours of anime, and was anime’d out.
• There was nothing on TV.
• My video games….well, I don’t play many video games in the first place.

Now, anyone who’s anyone knows that this is a perfect time to rub one out. I wouldn’t do it though. I felt I owed it to myself…..

Want some advice? Never ever do this. It’s stupid. It’s like torture, except worse. I’m growing impatient, irritable, and annoyed. This is stupid and I hate it. That’s it.

The world escapes destruction after 20 days!